I’m a mess
If you guys follow my youtube you’ll know this is my favourite saying in my vlogs. This is because I fully feel like this every time, I think I’m a mess at least three times a day and I really want to change that about myself. I have such nasty habits that I’m trying to break and still can’t i.e. sticking to something like posting daily. Ive already failed at that and now came back and failed again, I’m really taking this fail fast thing literally.(Fail fast post).
I could make excuses about why I haven’t posted in the last few days, I was going to limit my post to week days but I think I need to go all out and post errrdayy. Oh ,back to the making excuses point, as I was saying, I can make all the excuses in the world (some reasons are legit) but I’m not gonna do that anymore, I need to take charge of my life, my responsibilities and just my thoughts. This is the last time I’m going to consciously call myself a hot mess. I fully believe in the power of the tongue and I need to stop calling myself a hot mess, that is negative reinforcement.
There is so much I want to say but I’ll write a dissertation if I even start to understand how I’m feeling inside. So I’m going to talk about something everyday so I don’t overload you guys.
Today I want to talk about social media validation (to be honest this won’t be my first post on this I have so much to say, so I’ll just touch base today)
Before I started my Youtube channel, I wasn’t really present on social media, I had Facebook and that was mainly to connect with my family in Jamaica. I started youtube to gain confidence because I had insecurities and in my head, throwing myself in the deep-end by putting myself on the internet unapologetically would be the answer to that. BUT! I think that might have been flawed, don’t get me wrong I have gained confidence and since overcome some of my insecurities. But to be honest, I feel like I’ve gained a few too because of that. A major one being the fact that I seem to think, because I don’t have “enough” subscribers/views/followers etc no one likes me and I’m clearly doing something wrong because I’be been on this social media thing for 2+ years and I’ve seen people that have been here shorter, surpass me. Crazy right, I know, I literally feel stupid writing this now, thinking my validation stems from how many likes and views and subscirbers I get. This is the worse outcome I ever wanted from this, just thinking about my little sisters ever feeling like this breaks my heart. Instead of me saying, this is me, love it or whateves, I started to compare myself to other people and finding flaws in the unique things that make me, me!
I really want to change how I feel and actually unapologetically be myself, stop thinking about how my insta feed don’t have a theme, how my room at home isn’t ‘bloggy’ how I don’t have that ‘look’ and just all that nonsense. If any of you are in that same position I really encouge you to do the same.
Since realising this in myeslf I’ve been taking little steps like following pages that make me feel good about myself, for example The Slumflower, She is such an inspiration, I love how she is wholeheartedly herself and yeah I dig that. She has even motivated me to embrace my saggy boobies but you guys can know more about that another time.
Ermm yeah this it for now, Just a heads up most of these posts are going to be all over the place because I just want to write my thoughts, catch you guys tomorrow fambly
Stalk me :
Snapchat | Shevelle Roberts
pssst don’t forget: “You are Beautiful, Loved and Unique, thats why you are you!!” SR